What’s So Funny?

Mitch McConnell was PISSED about the John Bolton breaking news. Bolton denies being the one who leaked the manuscript. It must have been someone in the White House who made copies of the one manuscript that was dropped off on December 30. Who did it? Who’s laughing?

Republicans be like, you had this manuscript since December 30th and you didn’t tell us (insert partisan laugh track here.)

Republicans were really scrambling yesterday. They acted like it was no big deal in front of the cameras but off camera they were running around like chickenshits with their heads cut off, stuck on top of Trump branded pikes. They’re mad because they’re having to take the fall over John Bolton. Trump has made fools of them. They’re panicking and it’s really funny to watch.

Mitt Romney said he’d like to hear from Bolton as a witness. Ha!

Lindsey Graham tweeted with a straight face: If there is a desire and decision by the Senate to call Democratic witnesses, than at a minimum the Senate should allow President Trump to call all relevant witnesses he has requested.

John Barrasso is trying to make it all look like there is nothing to see here. He’s trying to make the whole thing look like a joke. He said, “Yeah, there’s really nothing new here. It does seem to be an effort to sell books……I think there’s going to be something new coming out every day, very similar to what we saw in the Kavanaugh trial. New information, old information told in a different way to enflame emotions.”

Lou Dobbs tried to help by trashing John Bolton, calling him a “tool” for the radical Democrats and the deep state. Everybody outside of the Fox News bubble enjoyed a cathartic belly laugh with that one. Lou Dubbs doesn’t mean to be funny. He thinks of himself as a serious journalist which makes him even funnier.

When Trump’s buffoon lawyers attacked Obama, the Bidens and the Mueller Report, and said the Democrats were using Rudy as a distraction, then parroted Russian talking points, they had everybody thinking, “You can’t be serious. This is laughable,” but only the Democrats actually laughed.

Ken Starr was the funniest of all. He lectured everybody on impeachment happening “too frequently…….we are living in what I think can aptly be described as the age of impeachment.” The irony wasn’t lost on anybody in the room but it was lost on Trump as he sat alone in his room, watching it all on TV. Trump never laughs and he doesn’t understand irony. He’s too dumb.

Alan Dershowitz was pretty funny, too. He argued that there must be a crime to impeach a president. That’s not true and he of course knows that but that’s what Trump and the Republicans want to hear. The Democrats tried hard not to picture him standing there in his underwear. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.

Here’s what funny smart people thought of the Republican court jesters bumping in to each other all day yesterday:

“What happens when the glove fits?” — Walter Shaub

“It’s smart of John Bolton to hide evidence in a place where the president will never be able to find it — a book.” — Samantha Bee

“We seem to be on the brink of the deep concerns phase of the trial, with the possibility of thoughts and prayers breaking out at any moment.” — Josh Marshall

“Five mins into Ken Starr’s presentation and I’m already being forced to revise my opinion that the Dave Matthews Band is the thing I least miss from the 90s.” — Matthew Miller

“I’m in Maine and my day off is tomorrow. Can I day drink and call Susan Collins every 20 minutes?” — Some guy on Twitter

The 80 second CNN clip of Don Lemon cracking up when Republican strategist, Rick Wilson, made fun of Trump and MAGAs trended immediately, giving everybody some comic relief from the scarier than shit, when will it end, what’s next Trump presidency. The only thing that would make it funnier was if Trump, Ivanka and Fox News retweeted it which they did.

HA HA HA HA HA!

For a copy of the Trump-Ukraine Impeachment Inquiry Report, click here.

For a copy of the Mueller Report, click here.

For a list of attorneys giving legal analysis about the imploding Trump presidency on Twitter, click here.

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.

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Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.