When Do We Eat?

Spike Dolomite
3 min readMar 4, 2024

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Major victory for Trump — the Supreme Court unanimously ruled Trump cannot be kicked off any ballot in any state for violating the 14th amendment, clearing the way for an insurrectionist president to gain power again. Congress can keep him from running again but it won’t because MAGAs control the House and the Senate has already given him a pass twice. If we are what we eat then Republicans are Trump cake.

The Supreme Court isn’t going to save us from Trump and the media isn’t going to do any more than keep its corporate owners fed so we’ll have to save ourselves. Only the people can save us now.

Jack Smith asked Judge Cannon to schedule the Trump classified documents trial for July 8, 2024. Since the Supreme Court is burping the baby insurrection case, he thought he might as well go ahead and sink his teeth into the espionage case.

Biden and Trump went to the border for a public relations showdown. Trump says millions of people are coming in and they’re speaking languages nobody has ever heard of. He blamed Biden for crimes committed by all the immigrants. Biden told Trump to come up with some policies instead of telling Republicans to block everything. He even offered to work together with him. He asked him to tell Congress to pass the bipartisan border security bill. Skip the greasy spoon. There’s nothing but crappy chocolate cake on the menu. Eat at Joe’s.

Arizona Republicans are advancing a bill that would allow people to shoot immigrants for sport as long as they shoot them while they trespass on their property. The legislation would make it legal to murder undocumented immigrants who walk across ranches at the Mexican border.

The attorney general of Texas, Ken Paxton, sued a nonprofit organization that provides housing and assistance to migrants, accusing the group of alien harboring, human smuggling, and operating a stash house.

Immigration fun fact: Founding father Benjamin Rush started a college for German immigrants. They didn’t speak English so he made sure they could receive an education in their native language. He advocated for a free education for EVERYBODY — women and African Americans, too. “How can a nation be free and happy when the common people are ignorant?” He was a feminist, an abolitionist and a medical doctor who treated black people and proclaimed that there wasn’t any difference between black and white people except for skin pigmentation. Oh, and he was a Christian but was a fierce defender of the separation between church and state, even his favorite religion. In the early days of the forming of the Constitution there were some who wanted everybody to take an oath to Jesus but he said, nope, we’re not doing this.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Republicans have true contempt for their base and think they’re all gullible idiots. They can’t stand them. Unlike Benjamin Rush, they want the common people ignorant. Otherwise they won’t keep eating out of their hands.

The CEO of Kellogg, Gary Pilnick said, “Let them eat flakes!” when talking about poor people complaining about the high cost of food. Eat cereal for dinner! Inflation has gotten better and the economy is back on track after the COVID crash so what’s up with the high grocery bills? Portions and boxes got much smaller during the pandemic and the prices got a lot higher and they haven’t come down. Why? Because only a few companies own the markets. They’re ripping us off and they can because there isn’t any competition to keep them in check. They know we won’t boycott them either because we have to eat. They aren’t going to do anything unless we threaten to eat them alive.

Tax the rich, educate the poor, vote the Republicans out of every single office big and small. Eat ’em out of House and throne. Let’s get this over with already. They’re eating us alive. Come on snowflakes, eat up.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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