White Boys Can’t Trump

Spike Dolomite
4 min readSep 25, 2018


The president and his second wife

So it turns out that the drama about Rosenstein getting fired was a Trump trick to distract the media from covering the New Yorker story that broke the night before - another woman had come forward saying Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her. It worked. All anybody could talk about was Rod Rosenstein. Later in the day, Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that the president won’t be meeting with Rod Rosenstein today after all. He will meet with him on Thursday.

Thursday is the day when Dr. Blasey Ford is supposed to answer questions from the Senate Judiciary Committee. Trump has fixed it so the media will cover Rosenstein instead of the white boys in the Senate.

Protesters descended on the capitol to demand that Brett Kavanaugh not be confirmed. Sexual assault survivors tearfully recounted their stories asking senators, “What’s it going to take?” 128 of the them were arrested.

Mitch the Bitch took to the senate floor to say that Kavanaugh will be confirmed. He accused the Democrats of dirty tricks which is hilarious because Democrats suck at dirty tricks. Republicans wrote the book on dirty tricks. The Democrats are just getting around to reading it. “Senate Democrats and their allies are trying to destroy a man’s personal and professional life on the basis of decades-old allegations that are unsubstantiated and uncorroborated.” He all but called sexual assault victims liars. Bold faced and emotionless, the man who blocked Merrick Garland from getting onto the Supreme Court accused the Democrats of “delay, obstruct and resist.” Is Mitch the Bitch Trump’s boy or is Trump Mitch’s boy?

“I just don’t think one man’s shoulders should bear decades of the Me Too movement” — Kellyanne Conway

Kellyanne Conway has a son. Play that funky white boy bullshit.

How bad do the Republicans want Kavanaugh knowing that he can be impeached as soon as Democrats gain power? This is just a job interview. If appointed, he’ll have to undergo actual hearings under oath. There is no statute of limitations on rape in Maryland. If confirmed, Dr. Blasey Ford could press charges. Why do the Republicans want him so bad? Do they fear he’s the last white boy?

Women walked out at 10 am wherever they were, wearing black, to show solidarity for Dr. Blasey Ford and all survivors.

Yale University cancelled classes so students could join the solidarity protest.

Two high school boys walked out of their classroom in solidarity and their teacher said, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Amnesty International called for a halt on the Kavanaugh vote until his human rights violations can be investigated.

Fox News did an exclusive interview with Kavanaugh and his wife. They were well rehearsed. He hit his talking points over and over, saying very little else. He has never sexually assaulted anyone and he was a virgin in college. Ya, right, Bart O’Kavanaugh, the great white grope.

A SCOTUS nominee has never been interviewed on TV. Nor have there ever been commercials, door hangers, or campaign buses. This isn’t about justice, the rule of law, or the Constitution. This is about absolute white male power.

Republican hypocrite fun fact: Republicans hid the fact that they are trying to put a serial sexual predator on the Supreme Court just so they can give that sexual predator legal power over women. A dick in the face has become a metaphor for Republican pick for SCOTUS.

Republicans aren’t too bothered by white boys raping girls in high school. They care as much about that as they do kids getting shot at school.

The only people Trump has shown any empathy for are men accused of assault. White boys are “good men.”

The Republican strategy in getting through the final phase of the confirmation process is to acknowledge that Dr. Blasey Ford may have been sexually assaulted, but it wasn’t by their white boy.

Rich white male privilege is better than white privilege. People will make excuses for you when you’re 17. You’ll get bailed out of everything. Parents can afford really good attorneys and they have the influence and connections to make bad stories go away. They get treated like impulsive, mischievous little boys while girls get treated as adults.

White boys: Your days are numbered. 42 to be exact.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.