Who Did Hitler Better?

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJan 13, 2020

Remember when MAGAs wore Revolutionary War costumes with tea bags dangling from the rims of their hates and carried posters of Obama with a Hitler mustache? They may have looked ridiculous and were easy to dismiss at the time, but they were successful in getting enough tea party Republicans elected who pulled the entire Republican party to the right and now look where we are. Springtime for Hitler.

Adolph Hitler was a pathetic little man who carried a whip to look tough. Trump has Twitter and TV.

Hitler didn’t have any friends, was isolated and awkward. Trump has Mar-A-Lago which people pay to belong to so he can feel like he has friends, isn’t isolated and isn’t awkward.

Hitler didn’t care about anybody. Trump doesn’t either.

Hitler pretended to care about hardship but then did all he could to make it worse so he could “fix” it and look like a savior. Trump doesn’t pretend to care about anything but he sure is good at making things worse. His attempts at fixing things are obvious but as long as his followers believe he’s a fixer, it doesn’t matter. The fix is in.

Hitler created his own political party. Trump took the Republican party and shaped it in his own image.

Hitler destroyed democracy by using democracy to blow everything up. Trump is doing the exact same thing.

Hitler was a narcissistic sociopath who upended reality for an entire country. Same with Trump.

The accused becomes the accuser and accuse the other side of what you yourself are guilty of. Hitler did it first.

Ostentatious, obsessed with self-glorification, paranoid, lonely, ugly, and incapable of seeing themselves as they really are — both parodies of themselves. Hitler will be forever associated with his 2” electrical tape mustache and Trump will live on in infamy as an obese buffoon with bad hair, raccoon eyes, and orange makeup. Both cartoon characters capable of blowing up the world.

Trump uses propaganda to spread fear and manipulate the masses. He got that idea from Hitler.

Trump’s followers blindly follow him, just like Hitler. Trump is surrounded by cameramen all the time, flanked by adoring crowds, just like Hitler. Trump’s rallies are carefully staged. His crowds are kept waiting to raise tensions and get people worked up. Same with Hitler’s rallies.

Hitler gave lots and lots of speeches. The powers of his rhetoric attracted a following. He studied film footage of himself to perfect his performances. Trump went into politics as a master of the perfected performance. His background is in reality TV and using the media to perfect a fake billionaire image. He was so good at it he conned people into believing that he was the ultimate businessman who had what it took to run a country.

Hitler convinced his followers that he was just like them, just like Trump.

Hitler said that if he hadn’t gone into politics he would have been one of Germany’s greatest architects. Trump says that if he wasn’t a stable genius, the Chosen One and the greatest president in the history of the world, he’d be golfing.

Hitler built up a fictitious enemy (the Jews.) Trump has immigrants and Muslims.

Hitler rounded up “the other” and caged them. He let them die of disease, sickness and neglect. Same with Trump.

Hitler loved war. Trump loves war.

Hitler hated the press. Trump hates the press. The press is the enemy of the people.

Hitler was smarter than Trump. Trump has Stephen Miller.

Hitler had an affair with his niece. Trump has said many times on camera that if his daughter wasn’t his daughter he’d be dating her.

Hitler’s lovers killed themselves. His niece and 2 other women committed suicide, one tried and failed, another tried and finally died years later, and Ava Braun killed herself with Hitler. Trump’s lovers sign non-disclosure agreements.

Trump’s first wife said he kept a copy of Mein Kampf on his bed stand. Since he doesn’t read, it might have been there for show like some people keep the Bible or a copy of Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet.

Hitler wrote his autobiographical manifesto Mein Kampf while he was in jail. Trump can finally read it when he goes to jail.

In the end, Hitler killed himself. Perhaps Trump will suffer the same fate. Narcissists do commit suicide. Maybe he’ll end up like Jeffrey Epstein and be found in his cell with a bed sheet around his neck and copy of Mein Kampf and The Profit on his cot stand, just for show.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.