Wholly Grail

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJul 8, 2020

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We hit the 3 million mark for reported cases of the coronavirus. Trump is nonchalant about the number of deaths, “So we’re at 130,000. We could be at way over a million right now.”

Trump has officially withdrawn from the World Health Organization. He blames them for his sloppy response to the Trump Plague.

Since Trump’s only priority with the coronavirus is the economy so he can we re-election, he wants kids back in school. “We don’t want people to do it for political reasons. They think it’s going to be good for them politically, so they keep the schools closed. No way. So we’re very much going to put pressure on governors,” Trump said in a meeting with a lot of people sitting close together without masks.

Trump tweeted this morning: In Germany, Denmark, Norway, Sweden and many other countries, SCHOOLS ARE OPEN WITH NO PROBLEMS. The Dems think it would be bad for them politically if U.S. schools open before the November Election, but is important for the children & families. May cut off funding if not open!

Fox and Friends think kids need to sacrifice more for the country. Brian Kilmeade says schools must re-open in the fall because “life is full of risks, kids should learn that early that life is full of hurdles, you’ve got to find a way to overcome.”

Texas broke its own daily record — over 10,000 new coronavirus cases.

The Republican Convention in Houston will still go on but the Republican leaders won’t actually be there. They’ll be speaking via video.

Mitt Romney, Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski aren’t going to the Republican National Convention. That makes 5 Republican senators who say they aren’t going. And so the countdown begins. These guys are willing to let the country die but they themselves won’t die for Trump.

Arizona is the new New York. They now have a 25% positivity rate for testing and people are waiting for 8 hours in 110 degree weather to get tested.

Dozens of Florida hospitals have no available intensive care units. ICU beds are at capacity at 54 hospitals across 25 counties. 30 hospitals are more than 90% full because they have an idiot governor who pretends like everything is cool and idiot residents who won’t wear masks who live their days like everything is “normal.”

Not wearing a mask is the hill MAGAs want to die on.

Hey MAGAs! If you won’t wear a mask because God will protect you then you don’t need a gun for the same reason.

Trump’s niece, Mary Trump, wrote a book about her psycho uncle and family. It comes out next week but journalists have read their advance copies and sure enough, he’s a psycho but we knew that already. She says he’s the most dangerous man in the world. Turns out it was her who was the source for the New York Times expose they did on the Trump family fortune and tax fraud which resulted in Trump’s sister, Maryanne Trump, a federal judge, giving up her lifetime appointment to the bench to avoid an ethics investigation into how she and her siblings evaded taxes. Mary leaked hordes of confidential family financial documents to the New York Times in an effort to expose her uncle, whom she says is a sociopath, suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as well as a long undiagnosed learning disability. She’s qualified to say that because she’s known him her whole life plus she holds a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. She isn’t worried about getting sued by Trump for breaking the nondisclosure agreement she signed during the settling of Fred Trump’s estate. Since the family undervalued the estate to avoid paying taxes she and her brother were screwed out of their proper share and therefore that NDA is null and void.

Trump got into Wharton because he paid someone to take the SAT for him.

“Trump paying someone to take his SAT test is the least surprising thing ever. It’s the story of his life. Born an inch away from home plate and still had to cheat to get there.” — Adam Best

Michael Flynn swore allegiance to QAnon, a movement the FBI calls a domestic terrorism threat, on the Fourth of July.

The KKK is not an officially recognized terrorist group and its members have never been pepper sprayed or shot with rubber bullets by the cops.

New York regulators believe that Deutsche Bank let Jeffrey Epstein launder money. Danske Bank, too. They launder Russian cash. Where did all that money come from?

Deutsche Bank loaned Trump billions of dollars when nobody else would. Why?

All roads lead to Russia and Deutsche Bank. If the Supreme Court rules that Trump can’t keep hiding his taxes then we’ll get to see the road map.

The Wholly Grail — Trump’s taxes.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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