Worst President Ever

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 13, 2020


The RNC is having its convention in Jacksonville, Florida because people won’t have to wear masks or social distance so nobody will be reminded that they’re in a pandemic and Trump is the worst president ever. Jacksonville isn’t big enough to accommodate convention goers so they will bring in cruise ships to house everybody. CRUISE SHIPS! HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Wouldn’t it be the sweetest justice if all of the convention goers got the coronavirus and Trump wouldn’t let them off the ships so he wouldn’t have to count them?

Rebekah Jones is a scientist who used to work for the health department in Florida. She got fired a month ago because she refused to lie about the number of coronavirus cases in the state. The governor wanted to manipulate data so he could re-open the state ASAP. She built her own coronavirus site that shows way more cases than the state health department is reporting.

Drunk Larry Kudlow said there is no second spike! Relax everybody and have another drink. Drunk Larry also said everything was contained way back in February. We have close to 2,100,000 cases but he wouldn’t know because he’s wasted all the time and doesn’t really care. He just says stuff. Worst economic adviser to the worst president ever.

Trump is delivering the commencement address at West Point this morning after making all of the graduates fly back during a deadly pandemic so he can make a speech and look like a tough military war time president and not the worst president ever. It’s not known yet if he’ll make them sign a waiver to not sue him if they contract the coronavirus while they are used as a political backdrop for his campaign like he is MAGA rally goers.

Trump is spending his birthday weekend at his New Jersey club and the Third Lady won’t be joining him. A new book reveals that the reason why she didn’t move into the White House after the inauguration wasn’t because she wanted to keep Barron in the same school for the remainder of the academic year, but instead was using her delayed arrival to the White House as leverage for renegotiating her prenuptial agreement with her grifter husband who had just dragged her into the final chapter of his fraudulent grifter life. You grift me, I grift you. Worst First Laidy ever.

“Melania Trump is not a poor, slighted victim in any of this-she is worse. Just like her husband, she’s a grifter who only cares about power and money while she uses her own child as an ethical shield to justify every despicable, greedy thing she does. I Don’t Really Care, Do U?” — Amee Vanderpool

Trump did a one on one interview with token black reporter, Harris Faulkner on Fox. He began the interview by characterizing the George Floyd protests as “riots” and “unnecessary.” He said, “I think I’ve done more for the black community than any other president and let’s take a pass on Abraham Lincoln because he did good but although it’s always questionable, you know in other words the end result.”

Harris didn’t say WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING RACIST IDIOT? Instead, she said, “Well we are free Mr. President.” Way to stand up for Black Lives Matter, Harris.

On the day New York State put a ban on, and criminalized chokeholds that injure people, Trump told Fox, “I think the concept of chokeholds sounds so innocent and so perfect.” He wants “compassionate” choke holds.

While he’s kicking the black community, he threw in a kick to the LGBTQ community on the Pulse massacre anniversary during Pride Month by rolling back protections. He’s cutting health protections for transgenders during a pandemic. Worst president ever.

Trump wants an actual race war — he’s tweeting out more BS about Democrats coming for your guns. MAGAs are locked and loaded. And they are excited.

Donald Trump is the worst thing to every have happened to America. He’s a sociopath. A narcissist. A criminal. A conman. A fascist. A sadist. To everybody who voted for him because you were excited to have an out and proud racist running for president, fuck you. To everybody who voted for him because you have lots of money and you don’t care who you vote for as long as it’s not a Democrat because you don’t want to pay taxes, fuck you. To everybody who voted for him because they were lazy and bought into the BS about Hillary being (fill in the blank) so you voted against her, fuck you. To everybody who voted for him because he was a “business man,” fuck you. To everybody who voted for him because they thought it would be funny, fuck you.

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

For a copy of the Trump-Ukraine Impeachment Inquiry Report, click here.

For a copy of the Mueller Report, click here.

For a list of attorneys giving legal analysis about the imploding Trump presidency on Twitter, click here.

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.