Wrestlemania

Spike Dolomite
4 min readOct 19, 2023

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Jim Jordan couldn’t wrestle the votes again. The second vote resulted in 22 against, more than the first vote. He did get votes from George Santos who is under federal indictment and is headed for jail, and Greg Pence, the brother of the former vice president who was nearly assassinated by the mob that Jim Jordan helped assemble.

Jordan and his supporters have been taking colleagues to the mat, threatening Republicans to vote for him. Mariannette Miller-Meeks got death threats because she said she wouldn’t vote for Jordan. Don Bacon’s wife received numerous anonymous texts pressuring her to pressure her husband to vote for Jordan. She called the texter out for being too chicken to identify themselves. The sender said, “Your husband will not hold any political office ever again. What a disappointment and failure he is.” Bacon was pissed. He voted for Kevin McCarthy out of protest.

The bullying has backfired. Republicans are pressuring Jordan to give it up so they can vote to extend power to Patrick McHenry to be the Speaker until January (which will give Jim Jordan more time to harass, bribe, and scare members into voting for him in January), but he refuses to throw in the towel. He won’t give up. He’s treating this like a wrestling match and is determined to pin everybody that gets in his way.

The House of Representatives is still not functioning. This is day #16 with no Speaker.

Republicans can’t even govern themselves.

President Biden went to Israel, as promised. He reaffirmed that the United States supports Israel but he said be prudent. “I caution this while you feel that rage, don’t be consumed by it. After 9/11, we were enraged in the US. While we sought justice and got justice, we also made mistakes. The vast majority of Palestinians are not Hamas. Hamas does not represent the Palestinian people.” He called the actions of Hamas “pure unadulterated evil.” The brutality “would have cut deep anywhere in the world, but it cuts deeper here in Israel. The attack has brought to the surface painful memories and scars left by millennia of antisemitism and the genocide of the Jewish people.” He reminded the world that in the past nobody did anything to help the Jews but not today. This time we “will not stand by and do nothing again. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.” He promised that Israel would always be a safe home for the Jewish people. He promised military aid. He warned others, “Any state or any other hostile actor thinking about attacking Israel: Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.” The he warned Netanyahu, the Jewish Trump, that the US will be watching him.

Biden’s meeting with other leaders got cancelled because there was an attack on the Al-Ahli Arab Hospital in Gaza that killed hundreds of people. Hamas blamed Israel, Israel blamed the Palestinians, some believe that it was Islamic jihad by another terrorist organization, and others say it was not an air strike but a mysterious ground detonation.

Things are changing by the minute.

President Biden will address the nation from the Oval Office tonight.

The embassy in Beirut told Americans to leave Lebanon. Americans have been warned about international travel because of violence popping up all around the world.

A U.S. Navy destroyer just shot down multiple missiles launched by another Islamic organization, the Houthis in Yemen. The missiles were not aimed at the ship.

Trump showed up again at his civil trial in New York to intimidate witnesses. When the court goes into recess, he doesn’t confer with his attorneys like a normal client, he goes outside to talk to the media to spin his bullshit. He cares more about his mogul image in a civil trial than he does about his freedom in pending criminal trials. He told the press, “They want to keep me here instead of campaigning in Iowa. They want me to be here.” After a couple of minutes a reporter asked him if he was going to come back tomorrow. “Probably not. We’re having a very big professional golf tournament at Doral, so probably not.”

Judge Engeron smacked Trump down for his outbursts, dramatic hand waving, and loud talk with his attorneys. He does it to get attention and bully wrestle the court.

Crackpot attorney Sidney Powell pleaded guilty to 6 counts today, the day before jury selection for her trial in Fulton County. She admitted that she was part of the scheme to steal voting machines and data. She only got 6 years probation which means Trump and Mark Meadows should be very worried. To get such a sweet deal she had to agree that she’d tell all. She has to testify against others. The woman is nuts so this should be interesting TV. In November of 2020, she did a press conference where she said she was going to “release the kraken” and put everyone in jail with her new evidence of how Hugo Chavez, who is dead, stole the election from Trump. Kenneth Chesebro was going to be tried alongside her starting next week. Now that she’s flipped, will he flip too? Will the cheese and kraker trial be cheese with no krakers or a flipped tray with cheese and krakers all over the floor?

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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