Bad States Bad Cops

Spike Dolomite
5 min readApr 18, 2022

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All three of the world’s major religions honored their holiest holidays on the same weekend this year. It was Ramadan, Passover and Easter all at the same time. In America, people celebrated with guns, as usual. There were three mass shootings over the weekend. Two in South Carolina (10 people were shot in a mall and 9 in a restaurant) and in Pittsburgh 2 were hit after 50 shots were fired into a group of 200 teenagers at a party.

South Carolina not only wins the award for The Most Dangerous State for achieving two mass shootings in one weekend, but it also gets the award for the Most Cruel state because now they get to shoot death row prisoners via a firing squad. People in South Carolina can get PAID to shoot people in their state! Hunting humans isn’t just for sport anymore! It’s a career path! Senator Lindsey Graham bragged about his gun nut state when bashing street crime in San Francisco. “If you do this crap in South Carolina, you’ll be lucky if you go to jail. You’ll be lucky if someone doesn’t shoot you.” South Carolina has the fifth highest murder rate in the country. In 2020, 10.5 people were murdered out of every 100,000. California is #27.

In Michigan, 26 year old Patrick Lyoya was shot in the head at point blank range by a cop during a routine traffic stop. Patrick was an immigrant from the Congo in Africa. He had come to America with his family 8 years ago to escape violence and persecution only to be met with the same fate in America. After getting pulled over, he panicked and ran and was tackled by the cop. They both wrestled for the cop’s taser and then the cop shot him in the back of the head while he had Patrick pinned to the ground with his knee. A witness recorded it all on their phone. The police department is protecting the cop by not releasing his name and putting him on paid leave.

Policing hasn’t changed since George Floyd was murdered.

Patrick had two little kids.

Bad cop fun fact: Many of the insurrectionists who attacked the Capitol Police were cops themselves.

Tennessee has firing squads too, just not the state sanctioned kind. A couple of months ago 9 cops executed unarmed 37 year old Landon Eastep via a firing squad on an interstate after a 30 minute standoff. Landon was standing in the middle of the road, having a mental breakdown. The cops all fired on him at once.

Nurses are trained how to subdue out of control patients who are either having a mental health crisis or are on drugs but cops are not.

In Tennessee a sheriff’s deputy named Daniel Wilkey was indicted on 44 criminal charges including rape and the assault of multiple women and girls. One of his victims was Shandele Marie Riley. In 2019 he pulled her over for a routine traffic stop then raped her and forcibly “baptized” her. After a judge said she could bring a civil lawsuit against him she turned up dead within a week. He already had a reputation for being violent before her story made headlines. He killed somebody by shooting them in the head while they were in the ER. He molested children. The sheriff’s department says all of the body and dash cam footage of his stops and arrests have been “lost.” One of those stops was a roadside cavity search of a handcuffed Black man.

Also in Tennessee, a Republican state senator praised Hitler while debating a bill that would criminalize homeless camps on public property. Senator Frank Niceley said Hitler was homeless for a while too but he “went on to lead a life that got him in the history books.”

Speaking of Hitler, self hating Jew Stephen Miller appeared before the Select Committee for 8 hours on Good Friday.

Scott Pruitt is running for Senate in Oklahoma and stands a good chance of winning because every scumbag Republican stands a good chance of winning these days. The scummier and more corrupt, the better. Trump put him, a big time oil guy, in charge of the Environmental Protection Agency. He made a mess of the department and ripped off taxpayers by cashing in on his position, just like Trump did, but it hasn’t hurt him politically one bit. He’s running for Senate anyway and he’ll probably win because Oklahoma is not OK. They just outlawed abortion. MAGA anti-vaxxer businessman with no prior government experience, Kevin Stitt, made history by being the first governor to catch covid. He made good on his promise to sign anything anti-abortion that came across his desk. The state of Oklahoma is now in control of the future of every woman and girl in the state. A year ago he signed a bill prohibiting the teaching of critical race theory or its gender equivalent in public schools. The first law he signed was one that let people carry guns without permits or training and they can take them anywhere they want as long as they weren’t out in the open. He’s a citizen of the Cherokee Nation but obviously has assimilated well. He’s a white supremacist through and through. His family traded in the Great Spirit in exchange for Republican Jesus a couple of generations ago.

Who did Trump and Bill Barr use as their “secret police” during Black Lives Matter protests in Portland and outside of the White House in the summer of 2020? They rounded people up in unmarked vans, assaulted and threatened people in disguise. We never did find out who they were.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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