Captive

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMar 17, 2022

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Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy spoke at a televised Congressional joint address and received a standing ovation by a full house, which isn’t typical. Lawmakers will often times skip these things or send a staffer in their stead. Zelensky spoke in English part of the time and used a translator the rest of the time. He was talking to Congress, President Biden, and the American people and asked everyone to remember how horrible it was during Pearl Harbor and 9/11 when we were attacked from above, completely vulnerable and powerless. That’s what Ukrainians are going through every day. Republicans and Democrats were united in their support of Ukraine. They were captivated by President Zelensky’s message. When it comes to their own country though, half of them are captive to Trump.

Joe Manchin was caught on camera scrolling his iPad while President Zelensky was talking, probably checking his stocks. Marjorie Taylor Greene was picked up on camera refusing to clap after reluctantly being the last one to stand.

President Biden is sending another $800,000,000 in military support to Ukraine. It was pre-approved by Congress.

Maryan Zablotskyy, a member of the Ukrainian Parliament thanked American taxpayers for their help and said it was much appreciated especially since America has plenty of its own problems right now.

Republican Senator Josh Hawley is attacking President Biden for not sending ENOUGH military equipment to Ukraine. When the war first started, Josh Hawley said that Joe Biden should tell Ukraine to fend for itself, “The United States can’t do everything.” He was against Ukraine joining NATO and voted “no” on sending aid to Ukraine the first time. Hawley is using this moment to look like a big shot now on the global stage after holding his own country captive during an attempted coup by his own political party.

If Trump was president and Kevin McCarthy was speaker, Putin would have addressed Congress yesterday instead.

The Russians bombed a theater with 1,000 women, children and seniors inside. They were there taking shelter. The building was clearly marked CHILDREN on both sides.

Putin signed a law that allows Russia to seize foreign planes and use them for domestic flights.

A reporter asked Lindsey Graham if he stood by his call to have Putin assassinated and he said, “Yeah, I hope he’ll be taken out. One way or the other. I don’t care how they take him out…If John McCain were here he’d be saying the same thing…the world is better off without Putin.”

The world would have been much better off without Lindsey’s buddy, Trump, but here we are, captive to Republican treachery.

White nationalist Nick Fuentes, who held a white nationalist event that Marjorie Taylor Greene spoke at recently, asked people to pray for the brave Russian soldiers who are fighting to “liberate Ukraine from the Great Satan and from the evil empire in the world, which is the United States.”

Candace Owens said on Fox News, “Ukraine wasn’t a thing until 1989. Ukraine was created by the Russians.”

Russia is Fox’s friends.

Former State Representative Matt Shea, a Republican from Washington who was accused of domestic terrorism after he wrote a plan to organize a mass killing of liberals so he could start a Christian theocracy in America (he’s a far right “pastor” and lawyer) has turned up in Poland with dozens of Ukrainian children that he wants to bring to America to be adopted. Where did he find these children? Are they being held captive? Are they being trafficked?

50 Russian elites are about to get their assets seized in different parts of the world through “Operation Repo,” a multinational task force that will go after property being hidden by Russian oligarchs, including Putin, around the globe.

Meanwhile in America, after decades of Christian kooks blaming natural disasters on the gays, God finally did it. He tore the roof off of Republican Joe Harding’s house in Florida. He’s the closet case who wrote the Don’t Say Gay bill.

The origination of the foreign interference conspiracy mystery has been solved. It came from inside the White House. Joanna Miller has been outed as the secret author of the Dominion Report, a document that pushed the Big Lie and claimed that Dominion’s voting machines flipped Trump’s votes to Biden. Joanna Miller worked for Peter Navarro as an aide. The report was sent to the Republicans in states that Trump tried to have Biden’s win overturned. He was also planning on using it to give himself emergency powers that he could invoke with executive orders so he could hold the country captive. The original report was originally released to the Gateway Pundit with a fake author.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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