Hell

Spike Dolomite
4 min readJun 2, 2022

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An NRA convention goer is praising Jesus after winning the raffle for a $10,000 gold plated assualt rifle.

Funerals have begun in Uvalde. Kids were buried in caskets decorated with their favorite sports teams and cartoon characters. The teacher who was murdered and her husband who died the next day of a grief heart attack, were buried together.

Ted Cruz didn’t attend any of the funerals because he was busy yucking it up playing poker and tweeting about it. He got dragged for doing that so he tweeted that the poker game was a couple of months ago and he was just posting about it now because it was so much fun. And it was for charity.

A CNN reporter confronted the Uvalde School District Police Chief, and now city council member after being sworn in in a clandestine ceremony two days ago, and asked him why he and the department are refusing to cooperate with the investigation into their lack of response. He said they will only explain themselves to the parents once “the families quit grieving” which will be NEVER.

Journalists have been warned that they will be arrested it they step foot on Uvalde Consolidated Independent School District property.

Governor Greg Abbott is blaming school staff for the shooting now and has directed comprehensive school safety reviews of all Texas public schools. Inspectors will start dropping in on schools unannounced to do “intruder detection audits.”

The cops lied when they said a teacher left a door open and then Ted Cruz repeated it. Somebody else claimed a trans person left the door open.

Fox News us blaming marijuana.

The media interrupted its reporting on the latest mass shooting to report on a celebrity defamation trial that they have been obsessively following to share the “breaking news” that Johnny Depp was the winner. The media and star obsessed public couldn’t get enough of a trial between two celebrities who used to be married to each other duking it out in court while the Republicans’ steal our democracy right out from underneath us. It’s bored with the trials of people who tried to take over the government. That’s not sexy enough.

“The fact that I know more about Johnny Depp’s and Amber Heard’s relationship than I do about the crimes committed by Ginni Thomas and Clarence Thomas shows exactly what is terribly wrong with today’s political mainstream media.” — Andrea Junker

While everybody was talking about Johnny Depp, there were 3 active shootings happening at the same time. Does the media cover all 3 or just the deadliest?

There was a mass shooting inside a Tulsa, Oklahoma medical building. 4 people were killed including the shooter. He did not act alone. He was aided by 50 United States Senators and the NRA. Only in America can you get shot at school, be rushed to the hospital to be treated only to be shot again.

The NRA rates politicians according to their compliance with their Second Amendment demands. The American public should start rating them according to how much influence the NRA has over them. Instead of letter grades, they should be rated with little tiny Superman caskets. One for every $100,000 they have taken from the NRA in exchange for not making any laws to protect the public against mass shootings.

A teenager was shot outside of a high school in Los Angeles yesterday. How sick have things gotten when your first thought is relief when you find out it was only a drive by gang shooting and not a mass shooter with and AR-15? This is the society that Republicans have built.

The dystopian future that Republicans swear is going to happen if Democrats get elected, is actually happening now. There are more guns than people in America because all of the people who vote for Republicans are scared to death that the government is going to get them if they don’t keep arming themselves. They government has already got them. Right where they want them. Innocent people going about their daily lives are paying the price for Republicans in government manipulating paranoid, frightened white people with the possible loss of their “freedoms.”

If there really is a hell, it would be heaven compared to the hell Republicans have created here on earth.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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