Invasion

Spike Dolomite
4 min readFeb 23, 2022

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Putin has invaded a Democratic country. This is the largest mobilization of troops in Europe since WWII.

Trump called Putin’s invasion of Ukraine “genius” and “very savvy.” He called Russia a “peacekeeper” and said that we should use Russian peacekeeping forces at the US Mexico border.

Speaking of the border, we haven’t heard anything about the caravans coming over the border and taking our jobs, tainting our women, and getting our kids hooked on drugs for awhile. Did they stop coming or will we hear about them closer to the November elections? Or will this election season be about fearing the Black man, critical race theory and Democrats thinking all Republicans are racists with a touch of Hillary spying on Trump and free crack pipes for liberals? Ukraine could work. Time will tell if the Republicans will spin Ukraine. One minute they want Biden to be tough on Russia and the next they want him to be tough on Ukraine.

Tucker Carlson and Fox News are rootin’ for Pootin.

Biden is doing his best to communicate with the public about what he’s doing about Russia invading Ukraine but given that so many Americans don’t even know the bare minimum about their own country, it’s not very likely that they’ll understand someone else’s.

“A protracted Ukraine crisis may, as the president noted, require sacrifices from Americans. How do we maintain the political will for that in a country where two thirds of us can’t find Ukraine on a map and a big chunk of one party reflexively defends Putin?” — David Rothkopf

President Biden put sanctions on two Russian banks as well as oligarchs and their families. Two dozen European Union members have agreed on their own sanctions. So have Japan, Australia, and the UK. Germany stopped a natural gas pipeline coming out of Russia. That’s going to hurt because Germany is Russia’s best customer.

If Trump were president right now, he’d not only not put sanctions on Russia, he’d bomb the shit out of Ukraine out of revenge for not going along with his plan to help him win re-election.

Trump was much better use to Putin because he got him to blow up NATO and extort Ukraine.

Even though Biden is tough on Putin, is rebuilding NATO, and stands behind Ukraine, the GOP’s official Twitter account has put out a statement saying that Biden is unfit.

Trump’s former CIA director and secretary of state, Mike Pompeo, wants to be president so he’s flattering Putin by referring to him as very shrewd and very capable. He said, “He is a very talented statesman. He has lots of gifts. He was a KGB agent, for goodness sakes. He knows how to use power. We should respect that.”

Tucker Carlson is loving the conflict because he can once again drop Hunter Biden into his bullshit show. “Ukraine is not even a democracy. Ukraine is a corrupt, Eastern European autocracy that has spent millions of dollars lobbying politicians in Washington and made the Biden family rich.”

Belarus is a country bordering both Russia and Ukraine. It’s Russia’s ally and says it would use nuclear weapons if threatened.

Ukrainians in the capital, Kyiv, protested outside of the Russian Embassy and chanted, “Putin is a dickhead!” That’s what democracy looks like. You can criticize leaders and even call them dickheads without getting poisoned or thrown out a high rise window.

Lindsey Graham says Biden is playing footsie with Putin. Um, Trump made out with him (Putin, not Lindsey.)

Kids in Ukraine are getting trained on how to survive an attack if peacekeeping Russia attacked them at school, similar to American kids having to participate in active shooter drills to prepare them for one of them bringing one of their parents’ peacekeeping AR-15s to school to blow them all away.

Russia is evacuating its diplomats from Ukraine and taken down its mission flags. Ukraine has been invaded.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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