ReAwake v. Woke

Spike Dolomite
4 min readMar 14, 2022
According to Fox, Democrats are taking their woke agenda into schools to show them naked pictures of Republican Jesus

The war in Ukraine started 3 years ago with the “perfect phone call” when Trump told Zelensky he needed him to do him a favor.

Russia has asked China for military aid.

Russian state TV has been ordered by the Kremlin to run more clips of Tucker Carlson in their programming because his commentary is “essential” for attacking the US and NATO.

Back in September, Google and Apple officials living in Moscow got a visit from FSB agents (formerly the KGB) who threatened them with prison if they didn’t take an app down that was not pro-Putin. They took it down.

Trump did a MAGA rally in Lindsey Graham’s state where he told the crowd that WWIII could happen because nobody is talking to Putin. “Nobody was ever tougher on Russia than me.” He called Putin’s invasion of Ukraine “an act of love” for wanting to “make his country bigger.”

At the same time that Trump was bullshitting his cult followers in South Carolina, his co-conspirators were bullshitting their cult followers in the travelling QAnon “ReAwaken America” tour at a church in Southern California which is not known for its kooks. Roger Stone told the QAnon weirdos that the reason he wasn’t at the Capitol on January 6 was because he had a spiritual experience that morning in the shower — “The Lord came to me and he specifically told me not to leave my hotel, and I didn’t.” He also assured the crowd that he had a plan to get Trump back in the White House. Disgraced treasonous general Michael Flynn was there too. He told them, “We need you to charge the machine gun nest……or hold this side of the line, or form up cause we’re gonna counter attack over here, and that counter attack is — we’re gonna go after school boards.” Mike Pompeo wasn’t there but if he had been he would have been safe because taxpayers are paying $2 million a month for 24 hour security detail for him and one of his former aides because Iran is out to get them. The US government is protecting him while he’s out there actively praising Putin.

Disney is pulling all business from Russia because of the war and Florida because of Don’t Say Gay (that includes political donations which go to Republicans 80% of the time.) Ron DeSantis issued a formal statement accusing Disney of being Democrat woke. The Lt. Governor went on Laura Ingraham’s show to complain about Disney being woke. She said, “They will try to bully us…….how dare they. They have no right to criticize legislation by duly elected legislators… Governor DeSantis and I won’t stand for it.” Disney woke? Hardly. They’re just waking up. They have been donating to Republicans in Florida who are anything but woke. And by the way, this is America, not Russia. Anybody has the right to criticize elected officials.

Don’t go to Disney World. Go to Disneyland in California instead. It’s woke and better. Californians can not only say gay there, the gays are totally out and fabulous. Plus your chances of catching covid are lower because there aren’t as many stupid unvaccinated people living in California. Oh and the chances of you getting shot are pretty low too because people aren’t allowed to walk around with their guns hanging out. Californians can’t hunt humans and call it stand your ground. Californians are woke. Out and proud woke.

It’s been 2 years since the country was first put on lockdown due to the pandemic. The masks are coming off now and people have reentered society, no thanks to the selfish idiots who have refused to get vaccinated.

Covid is on the rise in China again. They’ve experienced the highest daily rates in 2 years so parts of China will be shut down for a week which will have a negative impact on the world economy but Biden will get blamed for it anyway.

Gas is much higher in countries where Biden is not president.

Missouri Republicans are trying to outlaw abortions for ectopic pregnancies which are never viable and will kill the pregnant woman if the rapidly growing blob of cells in the fallopian tube isn’t surgically removed immediately. State Representative Brian Seitz who authored this femicide legislation has no idea what an ectopic pregnancy is or how deadly it is, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that Missouri criminalize ectopic pregnancies. If she gets a medically necessary abortion, she goes to jail. If she dies an excruciating painful death, so be it. It’s God’s will. Awaken to the spirit of Republican Jesus in the Missouri House of Reprsentatives!

RNC Chair Ronna McDaniel flirted with Trump on her new podcast by saying, “You’re such a wonderful person, you’ve been so great to women.”

Would Republicans be for abortion if fetuses could be tested for the gay gene?

“Kids don’t turn queer because a teacher told them queer people exist. They turn queer because their older sister’s best friend gave them Ani DiFranco’s first two albums on cassette. Everyone knows this.” — Gillian Branstetter

Support the Daily Crime Report on Patreon!

For the best journalists to follow on Twitter, click here.

For straight news, check out these reliable sources on Twitter.

To find out how good of an American you are, take this test.

The Daily Crime Reports are being published as “quarterly reports” (three month groups) as part of “The Treason Chronicles” on Amazon for Kindle. To purchase one or more quarters, click here.



Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.