These Times

Spike Dolomite
5 min readApr 20, 2022

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23 years ago today 12 students and 1 teacher were killed in the first large scale, mass school shooting at Columbine High School in Colorado, setting off a trend that has only gotten worse over time. Since then, 300,000 children have experienced a school shooting at 324 schools. An entire generation has been forced to participate in active shooter drills, receiving the message that a shooting is likely to happen so be prepared. Nothing has been done about it for one reason: Republicans are on the side of the guns and the voters who love them. They have the blood of 164 children and educators who have been killed since Columbine and the 369 who were injured on their hands.

Alex Jones is filing for bankruptcy to get out of paying the parents of the murdered 6 year olds who were shot at Sandy Hook Elementary School. He slandered them and their dead children which incited harassment and death threats by his deranged audience.

Fred Guttenberg’s wife will spend part of the day on Mothers Day next month weeping at her dead daughter’s grave. She goes to the cemetery every Mother’s Day after her daughter Jaime was shot and killed at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida 4 years ago. Fred has dedicated his life to getting stricter gun laws passed. He was thrown out of the State of the Union address for shouting, “What about my daughter?’ while Trump rambled on about gun rights. Brett Kavanaugh snubbed him and wouldn’t shake his hand when he introduced himself during the infamous confirmation hearing.

One of the survivors of the Parkland shooting, David Hogg says he’s been the target of many “assassination attempts” for his activism in getting gun laws passed. He was one of the students who organized the March for Our Lives event in Washington DC 6 weeks after the shooting at his school that killed 17 of his fellow students. All of the kids who put that rally together have never known a world where they weren’t safe at school.

There have been 143 mass shootings since the beginning of 2022. The most recent mass shooter didn’t even have to go to jail. He got house arrest. He shot at people in a mall in South Carolina and claimed it was “self defense.”

Surgeons in Australia will only see a few gunshot wounds during the course of their career. In America, surgeons see it every day.

“This is the logical outcome of putting 400 million guns in the hands of civilians and establishing very few gun laws.” — Shannon Watts

The majority of cops in England don’t carry guns. That could never happen in America because we already have more guns than people.

In Atlanta someone shot a woman over a bowling ball.

A mom in Texas lied and said her 3 year old son had been fatally shot during a road rage incident but what really happened was he accidentally shot himself with a gun he found in the door of his mom’s car.

24 people were shot at a car show in Arkansas including kids. One person died. No good guy with a gun showed up to save the day. Arkansas has some of the weakest gun laws in the nation, and with a rate of 19.8 deaths per 100,000 people it has the 8th highest rate of gun deaths in the US. From 2011 to 2020, the rate of gun deaths in Arkansas increased 40%. Gun homicides increased 91%.

Red states have higher gun deaths because they have weaker gun laws and more guns.

Jordan Mollenhour has been confirmed for a seat on the State Education Board of Tennessee. He owns the online ammunition company, Lucky Gunner, that sold more than 100 rounds of ammunition to 17 year old Dimitrios Pagourtzis who used it to shoot up Santa Fe High School in Texas in 2018 making the school shooting #6 in terms of number of fatalities — a total of 10. 13 were injured. Jordan Mollenhour also sold 4,000 rounds of ammo to the guy who killed 12 and injured 58 in the Aurora theater shooting in Colorado ten years ago.

Republicans care more about Jordan Mollenhour’s right to sell ammunition online than they do about the people who got killed with the very ammunition that he sold.

In addition to it being the anniversary of Columbine, it’s also the 27th anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing. On April 19, 1995 two conspiracy theorist and anti-government Army buddies Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols parked a rental truck with a bomb inside of it in front of a government building in Oklahoma City. It killed 168 people that were working inside the building and injured 850. In addition to destroying the building, it damaged 324 other buildings within a 16 block radius. Merrick Garland prosecuted the domestic terrorist case successfully. Little did he know that that case would prepare him for the crime of the centuries, the attempted take over of the US government by domestic terrorists, members of Congress and the President of the United States. Americans have been eager and antsy to hear about what he and the DOJ are doing to prosecute the insurrectionists, assuming that no news means nothing is happening. Not even close. The fact that there hasn’t been any leaks or resignations is a very, very good sign. It means that Garland is running a tight ship and the DOJ is united. The fact that he is going for seditious conspiracy charges is huge because those charges are hard to prove. They’re building a strong case and hiring more lawyers so be impressed, not mad. Merrick Garland, like Joe Biden, is a man for these times.

These times…….what a time to (not get shot and) be alive.

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Spike Dolomite
Spike Dolomite

Written by Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns.

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