You Made Your Bed, Now Hide Under It

Spike Dolomite
4 min readApr 11, 2022

The Speaker of the House and the Attorney General have both tested positive for covid but since they’re both vaccinated, boosted, and not stupid, they’re asymptomatic and will be fine. They’ll be careful not to spread it too because they aren’t selfish pricks.

The latest US jobless claims have hit a 54 year low of 166,000, the lowest since 1968 and the second lowest reading in history, but you wouldn’t know it if you listen to Republicans. According to them, Biden has put everybody out of work.

The trial of the kidnapping plot of Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer ended in a not guilty verdict for 2 of the MAGA militia defendants and a hung jury for the 2 ring leaders, in spite of the strong evidence and 2 people who had already pleaded guilty. They executed a plan before taking action and surveilled the governor’s vacation home. They built a prototype “shoot house” to practice shooting and extracting her from her home, bypassing security. They planned to blow up a bridge to delay police response. When they went to buy explosives they were arrested. Now they’re free.

Will Smith has been banned from the Academy Awards for 10 years but that doesn’t mean he can’t run for president.

Two men have been arrested for impersonating homeland security officers. They had guns, tactical gear, ammunition, sniper scopes, drones, body armor, handcuffs, radios, gas masks, zip ties, equipment to break through doors, police training manuals, a high power telescope, surveillance devices, multiple visas showing travel to Pakistan and Iran, and a notebook of information on everybody living in the apartments they were staying at on a Navy yard in DC, rent free. They have ties to Pakistani intelligence. They fooled the Secret Service and told them that they were on a top secret mission. They gave them gifts such as rent free apartments and iPhones, and an assault rifle for the agent who protects the First Lady. How did they get that close to the president? They have been living at the Navy apartments since January 6. A US Postal Service inspector discovered them when they went to the apartment complex to investigate an assault on one of their carriers. 4 Secret Service agents have been placed on leave.

Charles Donohoe, the leader of Proud Boys in North Carolina, is the first insurrectionist to plead guilty to seditious conspiracy for his role in the attack on the Capitol. He’s been sitting in jail for a year and could be sitting there for 5 more years.

The Select Committee has proof that the Trump campaign was planning to overthrow the government before the votes were counted. Junior sent texts to Mark Meadows that lays out the plot of the coup 2 days after the 2020 election. The election hadn’t been called yet. He spoke about operational control to ensure Trump stayed in power because they had Republican majorities in the Senate and swing state legislators lined up to call the election for Trump. They had “multiple paths and controlled them all.”

Bill Barr went on Fox and told Larry Kudlow, Fox Business Network’s host and Trump’s former director of the National Economic Council and accused the media of ignoring Hunter’s laptop in 2020. He says that’s worse than Russia interfering in the 2016 election. What’s he up to? Is he still on Team Trump, feebly trying to keep Hunter Biden in the news to continue discrediting the media and Joe Biden, if only on the Fox Business channel? Or is he doing this for himself because he knows that the DOJ knows that he cooked up the Hunter Biden scandal to help Trump extort Ukraine and wants to get out ahead of that before he’s charged to sow doubt in the public’s mind so they think he’s being set up?

There is new evidence that Jared is using his US federal government connections to benefit himself personally. The crown prince of Saudi Arabia gave him $2 billion even though the fund’s advisors objected. It was obvious to them that Jared Kushner and his new private equity firm that he created 6 months after leaving the White House is too inexperienced and the operations are “unsatisfactory in all aspects,” but the crown prince still went ahead and “invested.” Jared accepted a bribe. In exchange for what?

The DOJ is investigating Trump taking 15 boxes of confidential White House records with him when he left. Congress hasn’t been allowed to see them yet. Maybe that’s because the committee investigating it, the House Oversight Committee, has two members of the Sedition Caucus on it — Jim Jordan and Any Biggs.

New York Attorney General, Letitia James, has asked a judge to hold Trump in contempt for failing to turn over documents related to her investigation. The filing also requested Trump be fined $10,000 a day until he turns over the materials.

Liz Cheney says the Select Committee has enough evidence to refer Trump for criminal charges.

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Spike Dolomite

Daily Crime Report - recounts of Trump and the Republicans’ daily disasters, with puns. Read them all in quarterly reports in The Treason Chronicles on Kindle.